Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

Within the last twenty four hours I have had three visits from boyfriends past.  Well, not exactly visits, and not exactly boyfriends, from more would-be boyfriends past:

1) The crush, I mean THE crush from University, with his wife, does it say more that I recognised her first (from his Facebook of course) - hmmmmm...

2) Mr Bugs crossing the road, as I was on a bus.

3) Sharing a tube carriage with Mr Saucy Ex-Colleague, I would have caught his eye had I not just had an brow and lip wax, I couldn't quite be sure how glowing my face still was...

Why now?  Is it a sign?  Is there such a thing as coincidence?

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Monday, 25 April 2011

I didn't need to climax anyway...

The moment I see him I am reminded of the flinch.  I sit on my sofa, and we decide to watch a DVD, except half way through it is obvious that he isn't enjoying it.  He thought I wanted to watch it.  Are we STILL doing that.  Assuming what makes the other happy.  When did it become so difficult.  We go to sleep without having sex.  I attempted to initiate something and got nothing.  Just as I was dropping off, I think he must have thought the same.

In the middle of the night, I awoke to find a semi-erect penis in my back.  We had really animalistic sex, hard and heavy.  He came, rolled over.  I said to myself "it's okay, I didn't need to climax anyway...", and then to my surprise, I said it out loud.  He didn't respond.  I asked him to be gone by the time I woke up.

Come morning, he was gone.

Saturday, 23 April 2011

The whiskey still playing havoc with my head.  We go for a toasty brunch and talk about us.  There isn't anything to say, anything more to say.  Cue broken record.  He surprises me.  He states - "I obviously like having sex with you".  The only response that escapes my mouth is a slightly sarcastic "thank you..".

As we return to mine, we are both warmer to each other, being slumped on the sofa, we cuddle up and of course mutual nakedness happens.  It feels raw and real.  For the first time in a long time, I feel lost in it.

The flinch

We go to a new bar near mine.  I look great, not just by my standards, those around me. I feel great.  I go to kiss him and he flinches.  Everything shatters.  My confidence, my feelings, my tear ducts.  I keep it together.  Just.  Around TWO hours of polite conversation goes by.  I say anything not to cry, I pseudo-smile at his jokes.  He knows something is wrong, but can't/won't/doesn't ask.  I have a coffee with a whiskey hammered into it.

Warm whiskey makes me feel loved.  I ask him why we are doing 'this'?  Why the fuck do we continue to pretend to be a couple, I'm not even allowed to touch him.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Condoms II

No, conversation not over.  After some part-conversations on the matter, and now all that was on my mind was 'just the tip', he firmly thought and had it drummed into him that it was the gentleman's (his choice of word) responsibility for contraception.  How sweet.  I think. 

After some more prompting, gentle promting

He asked "wasn't it the man that was meant to be hassling about unprotected sex?"

*Awkward silence*


Monday, 18 April 2011

Condoms

Condoms. 

I mentioned that I packed condoms, that said, last night in bed, I mentioned that I was on the pill (for medical reasons dahling) and perhaps we could try intercourse without the slight interruption of pausing to put on a condom.  I think I used the word 'organic' and made a hand gesture normally reserved for spiritual leaders.  He said he wouldn't be comfortable with it.  Conversation over.

A quick recap: at the beginning of the Last Chance we talked about sexual health and were both tested.

Thursday, 7 April 2011

The toothbrush

QB: By the way you left your toothbrush at my house again.

30: I think you'll find I didn't leave it there again as it was only left the once.  I was going to ask if I could stay at yours tonight but as the occupation of the small plastic thingymagic for oral hygiene is causing such a disturbance I think I'll pass. 

QB: Okay how about: you left your toothbrush at my house still.  Your toothbrush has caused untold problems at Chez QB. The sheer weight of it on the bathroom windowsill caused the windowsill itself to buckle under the pressure causing lightning bolt cracks, nay, chasms, to appear on the wall 2 metres long... [the silliness continues for a further few paragraphs...] And all because of a small plastic thingymagic for cleaning teeth.

30: I'm assuming that my toothbrush is now in the bin and has stopped causing problems.

QB: No, the toothbrush is buried somewhere in the chaos - I haven't been able to set a foot in the bathroom!

30: Don't give me that.  Like I don't know that the chaos was caused by you in fact putting on a hazard suit (think Back to the Future) and trying to 'handle' the plastic thingymagig used for my oral hygiene. *tsk*.  It's only a toothbrush and not even my favourite one. It's not even my favourite travel one.

QB asks if he should bring my toothbrush to our next date.  I inform him again that as it's a travelling toothbrush, a spare, bought at an airport and perhaps I could leave it at his?  This is not his preferred option.

On the one hand, it's only a toothbrush, on the other - it's only a fucking toothbrush.

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Next weekend...

We are going away for the weekend, next weekend, I'm avoiding emails that start with "about next weekend...". 

It's meant to be a casual getaway. I think that the pressure of the weekend is simmering away.  Aaaarrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I have packed a saucy suitcase of clothes, lube and condoms.

Monday, 4 April 2011

Happy birthday Quiet Boy xxx

It's QB's birthday during the week.  I want to celebrate with him, he thinks he has plans with family, so maybe another night?

I get given the weekend before to celebrate with him.  Hooray!  The weekend at his is spent lovingly with treats, presents and birthday blow jobs.  I love being able to give him a spontaneous blow job and that's without it being his birthday.

On the Sunday morning, we're on the sofa.  I ask if his neighbours can see in through the window.  He didn't think so.  I demand to give him a blow job.  He looks as if doesn't want to say anything to jinx the moment, and makes some rather odd facial expressions usually seen on a silent movie star.  He wedges his hips and goes to loosen his jeans... 

I stop him. 

I slowly undo his flies right down to the last button and open the top of his jeans, and slowly find the button holding together the slip in his boxers.  He mutes the television, and although it heightens the atmosphere, it's unlike him to be so intense.

By the time his, now, extremely hard penis reaches my mouth, the pre-cum immediately hits my taste buds, he worriedly states he is going to ejaculate, now.  I continue.  The inevitable happens.

Happy birthday Quiet Boy xxx

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Perfect Date?

Amazing date.  Perfect.  Quiet Boy arrived with a rose, the whole evening proved step-by-step that he could be comfortable outside his comfort zone.

The night ended with a kiss, an anxious, little tongue to start developing to full-blown passionate face-eating.  He walked me to the station, took my hand, kissed it goodnight.  Perfection.

Monday, 21 March 2011

Tonight's the night

Our first first (first first) date is this evening, Quiet Boy has suggested a perfect evening for me.  Tailored for me, so much so, I am starting to doubt he will enjoy it.  I'm not adverse to finishing the night in bed but it will have to organically happen.

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Wakey wakey

Horny as fuck.

I wake up wet with my clit pulsating.  Where have all the casual fucks gone?  A gay friend tells me of Grinder...

Will investigate.

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Are we treating this as a first date?

Two hours before our big date and I get a crappy email asking 'Are we treating this as a first date?'.  What the fuck?!  Isn't that what was discussed.  Properly starting again, with wooing and courtship.

I don't respond.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Formspring: Super powers and keeping calm

More Formspring:

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

Not to ever need sleep. Energy would be my power.


Finish this parodical sentence: "Keep Calm and _________"

Make Love... (failing that "pop the kettle on")

Formspring: Comments

More Formspring:

What is your criteria for approving posts on your blog? Sometimes I think I've really made a good, relevant (and sometimes witty) comment, but it never show up?

No criteria - I've published all that have come through (the reason I 'approve' them was only to stop continuous automated spam) - so unless you have medication and/or penis extensions to sell, comment away!

Formspring: Let's get up to speed

I had forgotten all about Formspring, I liked the idea of open questioning, except sometimes it asks for a black or white answer on a particularly grey subject.

Here's a quick recap of a couple questions I answered last year:

If you had access to a time machine, where and when would be the first place you travel to?


I'm obsessed with my family history. I would love to see my grandparents as courting couples.

Describe your perfect cock?

The perfect cock, is like the perfect man. Trying to describe him impossible. You think you want tall and along comes a short one. You think you want muscle and in walks a bean pole. You think you want long, luscious locks and in comes a skinhead. And so on. I like a cock that has attitude, stands to attention, tastes good. Above all? Be my alarm cock in the morning. Nothing like waking up to a hard penis, resting in the small of one's back.


I now have eighteen and some questions waiting...

Last night with my little friend

So what, my period arrived?  In reality I had booked the evening as an excuse to have a night of debauchery - surely that doesn't have to be planned a month in advance - and does fancy dress have to be involved?


I nearly cried in frustration when my period said hello yesterday evening, I needn't have worried.  I had a delicious evening of watching, peeking and enjoying the atmosphere.  I always forget evenings such as this, the moment I step through the front door, I feel at home.


Of course falling into the hotel room in the very early hours of this morning, I was alone, but that suited my mood, and of course I was so very aroused that only after three ladyplays did I sleep.

Bring on the debauchery!

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Say hello to my little friend

Until an hour ago, I was excited about my planned evening/night/morning of debauchery.  I had spent the afternoon being coiffed, manicured, massaged and was left feeling relaxed, horny, adventurous, excited, until an hour ago.  Dressed in a mainly patterned rubber costume and my period arrived.


Talk about timing.


Tonight will now be about looking not touching.

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Friday, 11 March 2011

Dirty Weekend

I've been planning this weekend for the last month.  A night of sexual adventure.  Take one (non-judgmental, trusting, horny) friend, add a costume that reveals almost as much as it covers, book a hotel and start listing fantasies to be fulfilled by strangers. 


What about Quiet Boy?  I'm still thinking about him/his penis/the situation/more of his penis.  I still remember what his cock tastes like.  


We've not had our 'first' date yet, and I honestly think he won't be able to give in to his inner fears and actually have and be in a working, functional relationship.  Is this a case of me giving him enough rope to hang himself?  And not in a sexy-auto-erotic-asphyxiation-kind-of-way...!

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Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Tree Stump

My mood is more romantic than Gumtree could potentially offer anyway...!  Not that the power that is Gumtree and alike would have such bad behaviour allowed!

It was actually this postsecret that warmed my cockles:













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Craig's Lust

When did Gumtree and Craig's List stop allowing clandestine encounters to be advertised?  According to the Washington Post - last September.  What have I been doing with my time?!  I'll get to that... All in good time.


I'm guessing the Craigslist killer can't have helped things.  That said, if I were to come to a tragic-sex-fuelled-end I'm sure I would prefer some internet evidence to be available for police to find than than none..  Hey ho...

Harrumph... As Gumtree and Craig's List no longer offer sit-on-my-face-go-on-you-know-you-want-to adverts, where do the discerning public go for such disconcerting activities?

Not changing the subject completely - why is it that NO ONE ever asks where you met your new beau IF it happened to be on the most romantic bridge in London - let's go with  the Millennium Bridge (yeah I know Tower Bridge would be the obvious choice here), with the backdrop of a beautiful sunset, when you locked eyes, you both just *pause for dramatic effect* knew... 

YET when you both met after responding to a sexually-inclined-advert in some shady forum, it's the FIRST THING anyone asks.



WHY?!

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Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Mad Love

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein

This quote is going around in my head as I agree to give Quiet Boy a last chance.  Not last change.  Final chance.  This. Is. The. Final. Chance. For. Us.

I feel harder this time, I feel like I can control the situation. In the pit of my stomach, I know I am fooling myself.  I never stopped loving him, so how can I stop falling in love with him again? D'oh!

We have a 'first' date planned.  Somebody shoot me.

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