Thursday, 25 March 2010

Mr Smith and Space

Mr Smith and I are meant to be catching up later in the week, in the interim I've asked for some space, mainly from the IMs. I am trapped beyond an emotional firewall. As cracks were starting to show, to me, I found myself avoiding certain questions. 

The goal posts have changed, my defences are in place, firmly. I haven't been myself with him since I left him in bed that morning and I can't revert to the innocent and friendly Thirty.

Why didn't I just wait until after we had caught up before sending that email? Why can't just ignore it?

Three reasons: a) I don't like to keep things bottled up, I wanted to say something b) I am bored of the having the same conversions/non-conversations and c) should we still see each other in a few days, undoubtedly, we would have a fabulous night and I would have felt like a bitch for bringing it up afterwards.


  1. Sounds like Mr. Smith has to go. I get the impression that you know he has to go and are giving yourself excuses so that you don't let him go.

    You say that your feelings changed for him the morning you left him in bed, yet you still let him 'in' and give him reason to believe it might be worth pursuing you.

    I love reading your posts and this Mr. Smith thing has been truly fascinating, but 30, it's time to get off the pot and cut him loose. Do both of you a favour, you both deserve better than stringing each other along. This month without contact is just a 'cop out'.

    He's married, there's a pot he needs to either stay on or get off too.

  2. Anonymous is right (as I am sure you already know)