Saturday, 27 February 2010

Digital fidelity

Is digital fidelity too much to ask for?

I didn't get to read any of the Vernon Kay Sex Text Rat scandal, though from the headlines, I understand he didn't actually have sex with the woman that wasn't his wife. I could be paraphrasing but still...

It makes a boring lacklustre Kay actually more interesting, if anything, although only by 0.1%.

Where common practice allows kisses, winks and a smile with a smidgen of tongue poking out, digital appreciation in the form of texts, emails and IMs makes innocent comments being read into and acted on.

A brilliant way to handle rejection.

He didn't poke back - who cares?  He does pokes back, an IM pops up "hey, how are you?" and within 12 minutes you've had text sex, and looking for a post-coital cigarette.


Personally, I would prefer if a partner ended up bed with another woman after a night of drinks and in the heat of the moment, I'm not saying I would be deliriously happy (dependent on the boundaries of the relationship in place). I would prefer that than my partner, strike up conversation, a 'text' relationship, and them be first in their digital life.

Imagine your partner telling someone else their dreams, fears and fantasies before telling you. Or worse, not telling you.

I have a male friend where our digital relationship is steamy, I mean it's almost autopilot with statements of "I'm about to have a wank/I just had a wank/I am surviving from the best wank in the world". We have a great non-judgemental relationship, "say first, think later", but it's far from innocent and I'm sure his life partner would have something to say on the subject *if* she actually knew I existed.

A few weeks ago I asked the question "do you think we'll ever have sex"? After five minutes of bumbling along the lines of yes, no, maybe, I thought once that, and probably not he finished talking. I said it was very unlikely now. Never say never, I just think that the window has passed, should we both be available at the same time permitting of course.

Later, he summed it up perfectly preferring to be in my life as a valued friend, than be a once-upon-a-fuck-notch on your bedpost.  Sweet!

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