Sunday, 28 February 2010

Popular toast accompaniments

Thinking about giving internet dating a shot, although I have dipped my toe in those muddy waters before, I looked at the empty space where my self-description would have to be riveting, entertaining and cute without a trace of arrogance nor nymphomania.

And really what can one say that provides a summation on such a varied character: I like Marmite, but not peanut butter.  I like jam, but not marmalade. And why does everything (in my list of pros and cons) happen to be based on popular toast accompaniments?
Mr Smith has come to the rescue.  I asked him if he would write a paragraph for me for a MySingleFriend-type website and he agreed.

Watch this space.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

Digital fidelity

Is digital fidelity too much to ask for?

I didn't get to read any of the Vernon Kay Sex Text Rat scandal, though from the headlines, I understand he didn't actually have sex with the woman that wasn't his wife. I could be paraphrasing but still...

It makes a boring lacklustre Kay actually more interesting, if anything, although only by 0.1%.

Where common practice allows kisses, winks and a smile with a smidgen of tongue poking out, digital appreciation in the form of texts, emails and IMs makes innocent comments being read into and acted on.

A brilliant way to handle rejection.

He didn't poke back - who cares?  He does pokes back, an IM pops up "hey, how are you?" and within 12 minutes you've had text sex, and looking for a post-coital cigarette.


Personally, I would prefer if a partner ended up bed with another woman after a night of drinks and in the heat of the moment, I'm not saying I would be deliriously happy (dependent on the boundaries of the relationship in place). I would prefer that than my partner, strike up conversation, a 'text' relationship, and them be first in their digital life.

Imagine your partner telling someone else their dreams, fears and fantasies before telling you. Or worse, not telling you.

I have a male friend where our digital relationship is steamy, I mean it's almost autopilot with statements of "I'm about to have a wank/I just had a wank/I am surviving from the best wank in the world". We have a great non-judgemental relationship, "say first, think later", but it's far from innocent and I'm sure his life partner would have something to say on the subject *if* she actually knew I existed.

A few weeks ago I asked the question "do you think we'll ever have sex"? After five minutes of bumbling along the lines of yes, no, maybe, I thought once that, and probably not he finished talking. I said it was very unlikely now. Never say never, I just think that the window has passed, should we both be available at the same time permitting of course.

Later, he summed it up perfectly preferring to be in my life as a valued friend, than be a once-upon-a-fuck-notch on your bedpost.  Sweet!

Monday, 22 February 2010



An ex, an old ex, an ex from years and years ago, happens to be lovely, helpful and good at what he does.

I need my car fixed, and he has offered to sort it out.

When I flatly put it to him that I would pay him, he said to me the cost would be approximately nothing.  After a few protests from me, we settled on me cooking him dinner. 

I know that if he comes over after work, it will get late, a glass of wine or two will lead to it being too late, you know, to head home.

So many reasons why this isn't a good idea...

Friday, 19 February 2010

Office romance II

The couple in question are now ignoring each other, if one does encounter them in the staff room, silence interrupts what was sounding like the funniest joke in all the land.

The woman in question, Davina, and I were the last two standing at a recent social event and out of the left field, she said she didn't fancy him, Harvey, couldn't fancy him and was happy with her partner.

Thou doest protest too much!

xkcd: Science Valentine

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

That was quick!

Considering I have been known to complain about lack of orgasms, I actually get quite embarrassed about the speed I can come to climax.

I was once straddling an ex, we were both wearing jeans and I spontaneously orgasmed, I coughed to cover the extreme pleasure I was feeling.  Later, after my *coughing fit* had died down, my boyf asked if I had come as my knickers were sopping.

I instantly blushed and nodded.

He laughed and asked why I hadn't said anything?  I felt silly, I came without being touched, by hand, cock or tongue and we hadn't been kissing for long.  I was intensely turned on and couldn't stop it, I didn't want to stop it.  

Recently, through the power of phone sex, I kept up the pretence I hadn't come to orgasm for about five minutes, where in fact, I came in the first twenty seconds. 

Why?  Because I didn't want to let the side down and secondly, I was enjoying it!

Even now, I use coughing as a disguise, when I need one.

This week I am mainly concentrating on trying to control my orgasms.  As I feel myself climax, I take slow deeper breaths, and then calm my hand movements to a light stroke until I feel like I can continue.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Date to blog?

This was going around some dating blogs before Christmas; does writing about dates/relationships make one prone to date just for something to write about?

I nearly accepted a night out earlier just because he would be exactly that - good blog fodder.

I find the opposite to be true.  

I more I write, I better I know myself and which of instincts to trust.  The bloke who asked me out was downright dirty and am pretty sure I would be guaranteed a night of fabulous fucking, but he is a friend of a friend and the phrase about shitting on one's doorstep springs to mind.

In the midst of this, Mr Married has left a message: "Hi Gorgeous! Would you like me to come round and fuck you soon?" Considering how blurgh I felt after the last time I saw him that is a definite 'no'.

I am trying my hardest not to succumb to temptation and all the while I am dry humping furniture in horny frustration.

Monday, 15 February 2010

No Fear

Being anonymous brings both good and bad rewards.  An instant pro - I can reveal all my inner thoughts without embarrassment, withholding or fear.  Even more comforting - my Nan isn't going to find me when googling her surname! 

The cons - actually there weren't any.

Have I been quieter the last few weeks?  I should say so.  And why?  Because I, as Thirty, met an online friend for a drink.  He now knows who I am, what I look like and probably where I work.  He'll be reading this now, will laugh and I can expect an IM stating "stop being a wally".

This was meant to be a one-way street, an exit only.


Sunday, 14 February 2010

'Saint' Valentine

I have never been a fan of Valentine's Day.  Even as a teenager, I was filled with angst of sending a card to the wrong boy, so much so my aloofness wouldn't allow it.  I preferred to appear rude than interested.  Heaven forbid I actually showed a liking for the opposite sex!

There is never the right time for faux or even forced romance.  There is a reason V-Day sounds like VD.


Ergh! The sloppiness that surrounds the prelude to Valentine's Day, the hearts, chocolates and trying to justify being single.  I would normally forget the romance and head straight to kinky sex.  This year was a little different, we went out to cheer up a recently single friend.  Danger struck a chord as the first round of drinks was followed with a tequila chaser, and that was just the first round!

The new relationship

The New Year new relationship which hits five or six weeks with *bang* V Day.  I have been on the receiving and giving end of the conversation which goes like this: "I like you, you like me, let's not go overboard though, a quiet nigh in?".  Anything to avoid the couples only for one night in the intimate Italian place that you thought no one else knew about.

The long-term relationship

Nothing like surviving a Christmas full of in-laws and having sex scheduled three times a year; his birthday, your birthday and *shudder* Valentine's Day, to make one realise that something is wrong.  Edible knickers should not be reserved for one day per year.

One can't win.  Except of course unless you count the retail industry! 

So I propose to make everyday Valentine's Day.  Let's pop on the cute underwear, put arguments off for another day and genuinely listen, saviour and devour one another.

Happy Valentine's Day xx

Tuesday, 9 February 2010


To the disdain of a (female) friend, I went out with the ex-lover (Bruce) on Saturday after, get this, I was asked out by Young JT.

Young JT suggested going out on the one night I wasn't available, I replied with "the weekend is pretty much open" and he didn't get back to me until Saturday morning to ask how things were?

In the interim, Bruce asked if I was busy on Saturday night, and my calendar was free.

I explained to my friend if I waited for all possibilities with a man were exhausted from meeting, one of us proposing a drink to deciding not to see each other again before engaging/pursuing a second man and so on, I might still be 'working things out with a teenage sweetheart'.

I owed Young JT less than nothing, although my girl friend thought otherwise?!

Although it did make me think, how I crave sex.  Or do I?  Is it merely I am accustomed to lots of sexual activity that my body awaits it, like sustenance?

I often wonder if maybe my body has a chemical imbalance or am I simply a gay man trapped in a female body?