Monday, 25 January 2010


Say a woman makes up a facebook profile in the shape of a blonde 21 year old hottie, lures her husband in and discovers he is a love rat, is that entrapment?

On two occasions I have found myself in a black hole of uncertainty, I have gone to lengths that I now don't recognise in myself.

By text

After a party where my usually tactile boyfriend acted like a OCD germaphobe, I couldn't get past the arms length distance of "I'm fine..." before it became "I said I'm fine.." I sent my boyfriend a text from a number he would not recognise.

"Hi, we met at suchandsuch's party last night, wondered if you wanted to go to a gig next weekend...", after a few text messages, he had said that he was pracrically single and a few more text messages he had confirmed going to a gig with his new 'admirer', i.e. me. The information had empowered me, I left it a couple of days, before dropping into conversation that me and my best friend would be going to that gig, which was the truth, we'd had tickets for months. I wanted to watch him squirm, and that he did.

We broke up shortly afterwards, very amicably. Well, if you were to ask him it was amicable.

A couple of years ago, I did reveal to him the truth, he turned a bright shade of crimson with embarrassed and in his best Terry Thomas voice, he furnished me with a drink and said "My darling, I would like to apologise, one for hurting you and two for being an utter cad, it wasn't anything to do with you, it was me. Will you forgive me?". 

The it's not you, it's me line? Per-lease!

By email

My then-boyfriend, a different one, suddenly became very secretive, I set up an anonymous hotmail address and sent a provocative email to him.

When he responded, bile reached the back of my throat, I opened his email and his friendly nature was "Hey, you sent this in error, seems like the sort of email you would want to know had gone astray." I let out a deep breath, although tears were running down my face.

I continued the correspondence, in a less provocative manner this time. My boyf confided in this 'stranger' more feelings that he had with me for ages.

When 'my online persona' suggested meeting up he said that he loved his girlfriend and could one day see himself marrying her. I ultimately felt like shit.

Although these were both in my late teens/early twenties, each time I felt unable to speak my mind without sounding like a scary crazy lady, which of course says more about the dymancics of the relationship than anything else.

I can't imagine feeling like I couldn't communicate or my gut instinct be so off base that I would need to fish again. Never say never.

Whether these or other offers could be deemed entrapment, the line is certainly a grey area.

Personally, I think it's less to do with temptation and more about timing.


  1. Well, I guess you do get the answer you are seeking but have to be prepared for what it shall be. I'd rather just speak my mind and have it out there. But then I wouldn't have the guts to do what you did either!

  2. Both were a long time ago, and I couldn't ignore my gut feeling that something was out of place, and thought that I would look paranoid/insecure for speaking up without any real proof.

    I am a big believer in trusting one's gut instinct.