Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Latex Informer

At the beginning of a relationship I can sometimes come across as cold(ish), it's a habit I am looking to break, but in reality it's a handy defence barrier to my premature adoration syndrome.
In response to the aloof Thirty I am occasionally accused of cheating or alike when in fact I am not. When I commit exclusively to a man, I rarely cheat. It's difficult not to take offence after being accused of deception, infidelity and mistrust...
Which reminds me on one particular acrimonious episode:
I was with a sex buddy, not a fuck buddy, an ex who hadn't returned the key to my knickers.
Around Christmas a couple of years back we ran into each other and ended up at mine, undressing me, he asked an odd (maybe - considering the circumstances) question - when was the last time I had had sex?
One response came to mind - what's that got to do with you? I answered honestly - around a fortnight previously.
He looked at me, just staring for about a minute and then asked why I smelt of sex?
I was instantly reminded of his aggressive or maybe more accurately possessive streak, defensively I started to dress, whilst he called me a liar.
I yelled back, why would I lie? We weren't together, I could fuck any bloke I wanted, and in fact I did!
He asked me to smell my deceitful pussy, I put my hands into my knickers, my very sodden knickers, and slowly raised my hand to my nose.
My fingers wet with the smell of latex and lube.
This confused me, it had been around twelve days since I last had sex, how could I have forgotten sleeping with someone?
It clicked.
I had had an extremely long wank with an over-sized toy first thing, and used a condom* and loads of lube to actually get the blasted thing in!
I tried to explain this to him, and it wasn't until I showed him the sex toy that he believed me. The box of tricks intrigued him, these were purchases made after we had broken up.
We finished getting dressed and after sharing a pot of tea, we were able to laugh about it. He admitted that he never did or could trust me, but apologised as it was his history rather than mine than contributed to the mistrust.
When he was my boyfriend, I was stupidly in love with him, it would never have occurred to me that a cock other than his was ever a viable option.
Now, when we see each other, he always greets me with "when did you last have sex?" as a salutation.
Although being wrongly accused isn't that bad, I guess being correctly accused has to be worse.
A friend lost everything when he was caught cheating. How? His relationship broke up after his missus found blonde pubic hairs in his neck-chain - she's a brunette!
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* Sometimes I use a condom when using sex toys on myself. Usually when a) I have run out of sex toy cleaner b) with certain toys and c) I'm in a rush - it's quick and easy...


  1. Oversize sex toy - nice, we always like a girl whose prepared to go that extra inch. Seriously though and I am sure I am not the only man thinking this, how much is oversized? I often wonder what it must feel like for a girl to be on the receiving end. The most comparable experience I have had is an inspection by my doctor who does have freakishly large hands for a woman.

  2. It's not always the length and/or girth, sometimes the angle of the toy. In those incidents it's usually harder to get it out than it ever is to insert it!!