Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Birds and Bees

I had not only been sexually active for over five years but had lived with a by then ex-boyfriend, and was in my early twenties before my parents had the 'talk' with me.
And even then, the chat wasn't all that. I had just moved into a new flat and I was discussing the safety of the neighbourhood.
Parent: Be careful though...
Me: It's okay, there are two chubb locks...
Parent: That's not what I meant, I mean with erm... your boyfriend*..., erm... you wouldn't erm... want.. erm... pregnancy scares etc...
Me: Erm.. (small awkward silence) I am a grown up, a responsible one!
Parent: Good, just checking...
Luckily for me and my sexual health, I had a fabulous group of peers, with two/three very close female friends armed with inappropriate magazine subscriptions. We were precocious teenagers, and as young as 12/13, we would read Cosmo, More!, Just 17 [RIP] and Viz. I remember the excitement of Sunday supplement agony aunt columns would incite on a Monday morning in class!
* When it comes to my parents, should I mention a man, he is unequivocally a male friend, a potential suitor or a boyfriend. Flings, fuck buddies, one night stands and other indiscretions are rarely brought to attention.


  1. My parents had the talk with me when I was in a knocking shop, (only place to get a decent drink), in Tema, Ghana when I was thirteen. I remember my father saying to me "Don't screw any of the these girls - you'll be luck if you get syph - leprosy is far more likely.

  2. Wow! Did the threat of leprosy work?