The moment I confided in two friends about the no-sex with Keaton, I cringed a little as I heard the words leave my mouth and enter reality.
We've been on what? Six dates? I need to know if we are compatible in bed. Of course I don't need that, but it feels like a pressure building inside of me. I like him, probably too much.
I have found myself fantasising being with him resulting in a) good sex and b) with not-so-good sex and concluded it is a dealbreaker. As shallow as this sounds, I don't think I can be in physically inadequate relationship.
a) I like everything I am discovering about him, but maybe too emotionally attached to someone I don't actually know that well, but is it a case of trying to forge physically intimacy to counter emotional intimacy? (Moxie as ever, is always is on the ball).
b) The not-initiating thing has to stop. If I hadn't been in that headspace the other night, I'm sure I wouldn't be so confused now!
c) I pretty much put all my eggs in one basket with Keaton and they are not ready to hatch. Is it too soon to demand sex with menaces?
With Jason's visit to Coventry about to be lifted and Quiet boy still in the background I am tempted to see/fuck one of them this week, just to regain some sanity and/or perspective.
The abstinence of not even a fortnight (really, can it only be ten days since I last had sex?!) is actually making me depressed, does that indicate an addiction to sex or merely I am suffering from the comedown of some intense months between the sheets?
If I hadn't realised that this was the reason I was feeling low, I could and probably would have hibernated for the winter, hence I can be my own worst enemy.
A male friend asked why I was holding back on the initiating of sex and associated acts? I explained my reasons but immediately was hit with the neurotic stick.
How quickly I had forgotten about enthusiasm, and if I felt upset with Quiet boy never instigating, how would anyone I happened to come across naked feel being subjected to such withholding behaviour. MADNESS! His advice? Jump his bones!
A female friend's response was to ask what star sign Keaton was?
I quite like to use horoscopes to my advantage, if I like what they have to say, great, it's a sign. If not, what a load of bollocks...
On second thoughts as my horoscope for today states "Your good intentions might not be enough to keep you on track today as you live out your wanderlust through your fantasies..." - bring it on.