I met up with Quiet boy and spoke frankly about my wants and needs, apt considering nearly one month has passed since this post.
I informed him of my frustration, not sexually, but mentally. I touched on the fact that I have been avoided initiating sex. His distance affects me, I can't help but take it personally. When challenged he asked if he was ever allowed to have an off day. To which I replied it's to be expected, just talk to me, tell me that, share your life, good and bad.
Quiet boy isn't as realistic, he has such romantic values, that each call, date and overnight stay has to be perfect. I explained that I do not expect him to be ridiculously happy all of the time, but to no avail.
I am reminded of the Eugene Delacroix quote: “The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing.”.
I'm glad I was able to give him the benefit of the doubt a month ago, without fear of being hurt or more specifically aware of how I would be hurt and pressed ahead, but nothing has actually changed, even with my compromises, he won't or maybe can't ever relax.
We keep having the same conversations, over and over again.
Before we took trains in opposite directions, we kissed, hesitantly as first, then with tongues. I can't help but feel the passion has gone.