Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Historical fuck buddy

Diary entry from December 2006

Mr [fuck buddy] called...

Background - we used to see/fuck each other on and off for about six years, when we were both single and horny. I haven't seen him recently, the last couple of times we've agreed to meet up, one of us has had to cancel.

Him: I think we should catch up, I've been thinking about you since my birthday... (I missed his birthday this year, as I was away with work, but last year it was a long night, well two nights of celebration).

Me: Sounds good, I'm a tad busy at the mo (I have my birthday to organise, work is manic, but also I don't want to drop everything for him as I once did), how about I call at the weekend and organise something?

Him: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean really catch up, me and you, setting aside a whole evening, a couple of bottles of wine, a take away and just chill.

Me: Mmmmm that was a little different to the catch up I had in mind, but entertaining all the same.

Him: I mean it, I really hoped to have seen you a fortnight ago.

Me: (just realising how drunk he is) I'll give you a call and we'll schedule some funtime

Him: Will we?

Me: Yes

Him: Will we though?

Me: Yes

Him: But we always say that, and never actually do...

Me: We will, I'll call you.

Him: Will we?

Me: Yes

Him: Will we though?

Me: Yes

Him: Will we?

Me: Yes

Him: Will we though?

Me: Yes

Him: Will we?

Me: Yes

Him: Will we though?

Me: Yes (this is tiring)

Him: Look, I will do whatever I need to see you on a regular basis - just tell me what I need to do

Me: *silence* (WTF? Where the fuck did this come from?)

Him: If you want a boyfriend, I'll do that.

Me: It's ok, I don't want a boyfriend.

Him: Well what do you want?

Me: From you, nothing?

Him: So what is going on?

Me: Nothing, not sure where this has all come from.

Him: Well, I want to see you.

Me: Well how about we go for a drink.

Him: Whatever

(My phone dies, once back on then rings)

Him: Did you hang up on me?

Me: No, my phone died, look I'll call you at the weekend...

Him: Will you? (sarcastically)

Me: Yep (giggling), speak soon

Him: Yeah ok (still sarcastically)

Me: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Him: Bye (now very sarcastically)

10 minutes later

(phone rings)

Him: So, let me get this right, you now think I am the biggest arsehole and you will make an excuse not to call me, perhaps in a text or impersonal email...

Me: No, I was just thinking, I would call you tomorrow morning, relay your drunken call and give you the chance to redeem yourself in an email of 100 words or less.

Him: Oh, ok. I best shut it before saying something arseholish again...

Me: Night

Him: Night

I can forgive drunk dialling and I did, we fucked a couple more times, not that winter mind. Although, I haven't seen him for at least a year, I received a missed call from him last night and not sure why...

Sadly once upon a time a missed call from him would have me moist and excited, alas no longer.

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