Thursday, 5 November 2009

Four Weddings and a Funeral

After a wedding next week, the tally for this year for me will be Four Weddings and a Funeral (touch wood no more funerals).
I was really surprised that one of the new brides commented that at least two years leading up the nuptials sex had been on a quarterly basis. FOUR TIMES A YEAR. I was gobsmacked.
I asked if she minded talking about it, she didn't, I asked if it was her or him, she said a bit of both, they were at it like rabbits to begin with, less so in the second year and for the last few years every four months or so. She said that she missed the passion but love had overtaken, like a tortoise and hare scenario.
Still intrigued, I spoke to the third couple marrying. A similar thing, they had been together six years and stopped having regular sex in the second year and on average every six months (this is where she had to think for a few minutes) the last time? It must have been January, maybe February.
Both couples missed the passion, and the fucking like rabbits, but also relished the security, love and devotion that the changed dynamics of the relationship had brought.
I appreciate that my libido may be higher than the average bear, but I can't imagine committing to someone allegedly until death does us part, if the time leading up to the wedding was not perfect, or as near to perfect as one can get. Start as you mean to go and all that.
With Mr Maybe Next Time, the passion was low but I think the longest we went without sex was a fortnight, though I probably would have been attempting to dry-hump his leg for the week before - I am not the most subtle when it comes to hints.
Is sex more important than security? For me, I think so.
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  1. Wow.
    I couldn't sex for security. Ever.

    I do know some couples who've been together for over a decade who seem to still have passion. Maybe not to the same degree they always had it. But...once a week, not once every few months. IDK, that's what I think of when I think of myself together with someone for the longhaul (on those rare occasions when I do, think of that).

  2. Don't despair. It doesn't have to be an either/or, believe me. Mrs Controller and I have been together 30 years and the sex is as good and as passionate and as varied as it ever was. We're still finding new things to try!

  3. for me too. isn't part of being in a relationship so that you can have sex regularly? is that wishful thinking??

    4 times a year? *shudder*

  4. Fat Controller

    You are a lucky man!

    Little Miss Angry

    It 'can't' be wishful thinking. What can one expect from marriage if there is limited sex to begin with?!

  5. I'm sure your friends are in the minority. I've been with my hubby since I was 18 (getting on for 20 years now - we have 3 kids, and 1 grandchild) and we still enjoy every single minute of each other. No, we're not at it like rabbits like we used to be but we know how to encourage each other if we go without for a few days....

    I agree with "Fat Controller"... the more you know each other, the more you trust each other and the more willing you are to try out new things.

  6. Nickie

    Great comment thanks. Love the "we know how to encourage each other if we go without for a few days...."