Sunday, 8 November 2009

Cumbersome

Last Thursday was such a cumbersome day.
After the hoo-hah with Mr Married, I felt relieved of the self-imposed burden, but couldn't help feeling sad.
I was then in shock after seeing Obi-Wan Kenobi - more about that later...
I asked Quiet boy if he were around (he is never normally) and to my surprise he was just a few underground stops away. With ten minutes to get ready, I met him, I arrived late (I hate that!) and we went for a drink.
It wasn't until we had also grabbed something to eat that I realised how much the affair with Mr Married had taken out of me. I turned to Quiet boy and stated that he looked like he didn't much want to be there, in the pub, with me. His dry reply of "the same could be said of you..." shook me.
What a wake up call.
I didn't want to regret yesterday, nor be anxious of tomorrow. I wanted to enjoy the now.
Quiet boy had never challenged me in such a direct manner. I pulled myself together, ordered a large gin and we had a nice night after all.
As we parted at the station, we kissed and there was a pause. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to invite me back to mine. I could have done with a hard fuck, but was in no mood for intimacy, plus if that's what he wanted, would it have killed him to say so? We agreed to catch up at the weekend.
I can't help but think by holding back on any sexual aggression and allowing him to initiate is going to a) drive me a little cuckoo and b) curb my enthusiasm. Neither of which sound beneficial.
To put the icing on such a day, Jason called drunk and soppy, this infuriated me. I was tired, tipsy and tense, on one hand, he could have alleviated my stress but on the other the thought of having to direct his every sexual move and then waking up next to him was too much to bear. After a while, he aware that he was not going to get his end away, the call became awkward, I asked for a time-out, he joked - the chocolate bar? This was nearly enough to thaw my mood but not quite. I requested for him not to text/call for the next fortnight... He sulkily replied did I know that was fourteen whole days? Bless!
I could have dealt with Mr Married. I could have coped with seeing Obi-Wan Kenobi. I could done with going for a drink with Quiet boy. I could have happily slept with Jason. What I couldn't deal with, all of that happening in one 12 hour window. It was too much.
Twenty four hours later and cue me horny and calmed down, regretting being so flippant.
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