Saturday, 31 October 2009

Why I didn't used to like blow jobs?

I was not a fan of blow jobs for a number of years and here are a couple of incidents that may explain why:
No 1
Aged 16/17. I gave a bloke I really liked a blow job (at this age, any boy one fancied came with a comparable Romeo and Juliet intensity), I obviously, or maybe not obviously, swallowed, took a swig of drink, he looked at me, went to kiss me, hesitated and then kissed my forehead. Thus my pet hate was conceived.
No 2
Aged 18. My boyfriend and I had a long-running bet, at the end of a very long day and even longer evening, I lost. His reward was anything he wanted, his request, a blow job. I had put away at least two bottles of wine earlier not to mention the entire salad cart from a then-prestigious Harvester.
I promised to deliver in the morning, he wasn't having any of that. Can you guess what happened next?
Half-way through my drunken gobble his pelvis thrust a little too hard and I vomited everywhere. It's quite easy to recall the vision of previously digested red wine, dinner, dessert and mandatory sweetcorn scattered all over the man you love and his bed.
Him mum then returned to find me half naked, crying, wrapped up in a sheet and her son in the shower. I wonder if she actually knows what happened before her return that night.
No 3
Aged 20. I explained to a new lover I wasn't comfortable giving head, he took this to be a challenge.
The idea of him receiving a blow job became all-consuming, he daily goal was thinking up ideas of what he could do to or for me that I would deem worthy enough to reciprocate with a blow job.
He got one, begrudgingly, but it wasn't fun.
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2 comments:

  1. Love this post. I had a girlfriend like this once...I had one in almost four years. And that was toothy.

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  2. It took a loving relationship to get over the blow job business. A softly softly approach...

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