Friday, 23 October 2009

Recovering

A friend is determined that her partner is commitment phobic after a string of game playing. After looking for evidence and signifying features I have something to admit.
Commitment phobes may display SOME or MANY of the following behaviours (I have substituted man for woman and vice versa):
1. They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married - there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right man...
...A favourite line is "someday".
3. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent men.
6. These women are usually very affectionate and loving. This is because in their mind the relationship is not going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever...
13. Commitment phobics behaviours announce subtly…“You will be special for a short time, but it won’t be forever”.
14. They often choose men who are not the type of partner they are looking for, for example they may be much older, much younger, married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships.
15. They can have a history of frequent career change and often work in environments where they have a certain amount of space and freedom.
18. They know an ongoing sexual relationship often leads to commitment so they choose to run when things start to head in that direction.
21. They tend to compartmentalize their life and keep their work environment, friends or family off limits. They can create wonderful excuses why the woman shouldn’t meet these people.
27. ...they are evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing to create space.
35. Severe commitment phobics rarely lower their defences because they don’t want to get too close to a man, or vice versa. If they do, they usually only give little pieces of their soul in well- planned instalments, except if they are having an affair. Affairs are perfect for commitment phobics as they feel completely safe to disclose and to chase, as commitment is not an option while they are in another relationship.
40. The word “forever” terrifies these women. Love doesn’t scare them; rather it is what love represents to them that scares them. This is due to their negative belief system about love and relationships.
When I say recovering, I mean just that. It's been a few years since I have properly shown such behaviour, I still have to practice a level of self control at the beginning of a fling/relationship as I tend to fall hard and quick but fall out just as fast.
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