Friday, 30 October 2009

Definitely maybe

And just when I thought my heart, head and loins couldn't be any more confused:
In a north London warm and cosy pub Quiet boy and I discussed in detail what if scenarios, after an hour or so, I pointed out that the longer we talk about six days time, six weeks time, six months time, we weren't concentrating on nor enjoying the now.
So considerably more succinct than my wants and needs, Quiet boy submitted his demands:
- Spend time together
- Be close
- Be intimate
- Engage in sexual activity
- No commitment
Talk about wanting your cake and eating it. I cross referenced his wants with mine. I challenged him to see if he a) meant what he said and b) wasn't just saying what he thought I would want to hear.
At dinner light-hearted conversation evolved into sexual bantering and then in turn became whisperings of what we could do should we not overlooked by other patrons, waiting staff and what looked like a complex CCTV system. My knickers were past damp, they were sticky, my clit throbbing. He couldn't hide his erection through his taut jeans, I slowly allowed my hands to casually pass his groin, his hardness was extremely alluring.
We spoke frankly about what we had enjoyed before, emotionally and sexually. Sex toys and my recent fetish night. I asked if he would be interested in going to a fetish night together and it was certainly amongst his fanatasies - score! This is why I love spending time with him, I can be myself without prejudice.
He is one of those men who has to think out loud. Sometimes infuriating, sometimes insightful. Going back to his list, I explained that no commitment means no exclusivity, he was puzzled that I could deal with no commitment although his practical arrogance on the subject was near unsavoury.
The discussion was left unresolved.
The more I thought about it, the more attractive it seemed, if we did start afresh we could slowly get to know each other again, I could still see other people until we were sure, but would I get hurt? Definitely maybe.
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  1. No matter what they say beforehand, men are always jealous. And you can never turn back the clock, it just doesn't work.

  2. Toni, you speak sense.

    I know it's because I still care for him that I am even entertaining him.

    I think he is incapable of a relationship, he has never been in love, he honestly thinks he can deal with the a casual relationship and maybe I should tell him my intentions about seeing other people.

    For me, this is last chance saloon, his attraction is already waning, he needs to say he will make a go of it or let go. Because if he doesn't in the next week or so, I'm going to have to walk.