Sunday, 25 October 2009

Compromise - part one

Reading Moxie's blog post - When did women start settling for less? I was feeling strong on how I have developed in the last fifteen years of relationships, how I felt I no longer did or would settle - it was mentally empowering.
In the past I would always put my feelings second and somehow justify how I was treated, I would make excuses for someone else's behaviour. Since Mr Maybe Next Time I am less likely to settle although there have of course been exceptions - I am a sucker for a handsome face, long legs and the right smile.
Asking the question "When did women start settling for less?" again, I think more importantly is why do women (and men) settle for less? Personally I meet less men I have instant breathtaking chemistry with, therefore I am more likely to engage in a light-hearted fling, to get to know them than I would have a decade ago, or maybe simply realism has replaced optimism. The men I meet also have a stronger grasp of their ideal next big relationship and the level they are willing to give and take. Amongst my friends I see more and more, both male and female, settle for Mr/Miss Right Now than hold out for Mr/Miss Right.
For a fling I have a lot more tolerance and a casual approach. For a committed relationship, the older I get, the less willing I am to compromise but I can usually tell swiftly if there is scope and when to leave it be.
No rules, no expectations. I like to be with a man without direction, to enjoy the time together but also to see him in his natural habitat. Rather than set down rules, wants and likes I prefer to leave a man to his own devices and discovery.
Longer-term relationships
In the beginning the above no rules and expectations apply. Once I feel that the relationship has a future and the necessary passion, I am keen to state what I want and what I will and won't accept, what I expect and what I will give. I don't like to give exclusivity too early, not because of my general promiscuity (I'm loyal when I want to be) but because it gives a premature romantic notion and unreal bonding.
Although I know that if I met the right person I could give to them my heart foolishly, hence certain defence barriers in place.
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