When I decided to go out with Mr Maybe-next-time there was someone else on the scene. Someone I had become closer and closer with - Obe-Wan Kenobi. We slept together a few times and the chemistry was great, but my mind was in a head-fuck and my dilemma was a choice between him and Mr Maybe-next-time.
a) Mr Maybe-next-time on paper seemed perfect and in reality he didn't ask anything from me, didn't challenge me and at that time it was what I thought I needed.
b) Obi-Wan Kenobi was in me. Mentally, emotionally and physically, literally physically at times! He was too close to the rawness of what I was going through. I pushed him away when all I wanted him to do was fight for me, tell me in no uncertain terms that he wanted me. That I was enough for him, he was enough for me and that we were fucking brilliant together.
But he didn't, he let me go.
So I went. Quietly (at first). For the whole of my relationship with Mr Maybe-next-time I knew I should've gone for it with Obi-Wan Kenobi. About a year into the relationship I admitted to my Obi-Wan Kenobi how I felt and he just said it was too late. He happened to mention this after I cheated on Mr Maybe-next-time with him. I fucked him, he fucked me, we fucked long and hard and then he said it was too late.