Thursday, 10 September 2009

I am an addict

I love life, I do as I please, but I do it to extremes. I have an addictive personality, if that is the correct term.
Early morning hit, topped up during the day leading to insomnia.
I can't really drink. I get drunk very easily. My emotional guard is stripped by alcohol. But the majority of my socialising starts and/or ends in a bar. I don't when to stop or if I do I give an especially convincing impression of not knowing. The last time I was really drunk I sent Quiet Boy a text saying "Let me love you". Embarrassing to say the least.
I fall in love on a weekly basis, from my postman to a colleague to an innocent passer-by in my life. I fantasise what it would be like to be their lover and loved one, I imagine what their penis and testicles look like and how we could satisfy each other. I have been known to proclaim love on first sight, on a first date and even sincerely in a Dear John letter.
I take risks for my enjoyment of sex, I have curbed these to be as sexually healthy as possible. I have had sex with (practical) strangers, ex-boyfriends and other people's boyfriends. In retrospect I know it's usually the thrill of the chase rather than the catch, but in the moment I want, I need, I desperately need the feeling of a penis inside of me, an orgasm growing inside of me. As I am penetrated there is a relief, a satisfying relief and comfort. The moment just before an orgasm is what drives me. Everything else in the world doesn't matter and disappears, your mind blanks, preparing for immense euphoria.
If I wasn't so self-aware I could easily be a drug user. The aforementioned euphoric sexual hit but in the form of powders and pills is extremely tempting but luckily for my well-being; physically, mentally and financially it is the want for physical and real sex that motivates me.
When I find something/somewhere/someone that entertains me, I do it/them as often as possible to the point of over indulgence and then I'm on to the next thing that takes my fancy.
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