Thursday, 24 September 2009

How many?

Lloyds Pharmacy have posted a kooky quiz that takes how many people you have slept with and the age you slept with them and works out how many people indirectly you have been sexually in contact with.
If I hadn't recently been given the full bill of sexual health recently (scroll down to the bit where it says "I got the rest of the results back, all clear. Clean as a fanny shaped whistle.") put together with never having had an STD, I would be mighty paranoid about now.
My number* is:
I was not expecting that.
There is a brilliant episode of Roseanne when her less-than-innocent sister claims (aged 38) she has slept with 60 men (three per year for 20 years) - this is the nice number to placate her husband or maybe husband-to-be, the look from the rest of the cast give the rolling of eyes to indicate the amount is probably five or ten times that amount.
Said Scene from Roseanne
Fred: All right, how many people did you date before you met me?
Jackie: Well, do you mean dated at all or dated seriously?
Fred: I mean seriously.
Jackie: Oh, I'd say only a few.
Fred: Good... not that I mind if you've slept with lots of guys...
Jackie: Oh, well slept with! [chuckles] That's not what you asked me.
Fred: Well I guess not.
Jackie: Fred, it's not that many. I'd say three a year.
Fred: Since you were what? Eighteen?
Jackie: [thinks] Okay, we'll go with that. [Fred looks discouraged] Come on Fred, it's not THAT many! Let's see, three a year for 20 years is... 60... wow.
Fred: Wow... I don't even know 60 people...
Jackie: Well... I didn't know all of them.
Three lovers a year doesn't sound like that many, especially if a short relationship lasts six to eight weeks before you decide you're not right for each other. If I were single for 12 months I know the amount of men I slept with would definitely be more than three but put that number against years of monogamy and I guess it all equals out.
Well done to Lloyds Pharmacy for their outstanding marketing ploy and hopefully sharing the message of safe sex to those 13,000,000-odd direct and indirect lovers plus the ones I intend to have in the future.
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*Not taking into consideration it can only calculate up to 50 partners

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