This week Radio 4 looked at When Harry met Sally twenty years on. When Harry met Sally is one of my favourite romcoms. I adore Billy Crystal in an older man way (when I first saw the film I must have been a teenager and Mr Crystal would have been late 30s/early 40s) and love the neurosis that is Meg Ryan's Sally. It reminded me to find the DVD, I usually watch the film around once a year and it always brings certain topics to light:
Can men and women be friends?
I would like to think so. But looking at my friendships with my closest male friends and their has been sexual attraction at some point, mutual or one-sided. I am close with some of my exes because once the relationship had ended and whatever bitterness hadn't destroyed - a friendship was organically left over. I love the company of men and actually prefer it if I don't fancy them. That's not to say I don't like a little flirtation, it's just when I fancy someone I act like an idiot. Think Marx Brothers coffee clumsiness all over the place.
High maintenance vs. Low maintenance
I am both high maintenance and low maintenance. I am extremely tolerate and patient but when I go off on one, boy do I? I tend to be high maintenance at the beginning of a relationship, when I say relationship, I mean agreeing to go out, be exclusive and be 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. After a few testing tantrums I calm down and become low maintenance. Why? Fuck knows. I think it's a defence mechanism. Either way it can't be healthy?!
Newsflash: Women fake orgasms
I love the fact that this was a wake-up call to men in the late 1980s. "Women fake orgasms? No. Or not with me at least". As a rule, I try not to fake it. When you fake an orgasm a men will forever think that whatever he was doing was pushing the right buttons. I have faked an orgasm twice, both occasions I knew I wasn't going to come, mentally I was elsewhere and I thought it nicer or easier to fake it, and it worked. I ensured that it was a faked routine mind, I told him where to touch and with what force, so the next time at least he would know where, when and for how long.
I am not your consolation prize
One particular ex calls me when he is bored and/or lonely. It's been years since I've engaged in sexual activity with him but I will get a call at least once in six months. If he calls when I am emotional and/or drunk - he will always get the 'I am not your consolation prize' speech, he treated me badly when we were together yet thinks he can since make it better.
When you accept and realise you like and even adore the imperfections of a partner - that is love.