Saturday, 29 August 2009

How long to wait?

The romantic in me would like to be asked out, wooed and after an adequate amount of sexual tension is in place, be fucked senseless. Women are encourage (by other women I can only assume) to hold out on sex until you have a man in the palm of your hand. Figuratively speaking of course, not until giving him a hand job.
But with age I am becoming less patient. I've had one too many heart-wrenching experiences of being totally smitten with someone and when it comes down to sexual compatibility either not matching expectations or being a downright disappointment.
When I went out with Mr Maybe-Next-Time, our courting was ever so romantic, we didn't just have dates, we had dates that lasted hours yet sped by, enraptured in each other's conversation. We had over fifty hours of dates, before any heavy petting/penetration occurred, by which time I was too emotionally attached, I had also met his family, friends and colleagues. The sexual compatibility was not good, but I thought it would get better and also felt it was callous to put such a high importance on sex.
Looking back, he didn't make me laugh. Of course I did laugh but I mean massive from-the-bottom-of-the-belly laughs, so much so when you've recovered, you just want to say 'I love you' and start undressing your partner there and then.
To over compensate I now tend to sleep with someone earlier than maybe I would have done a decade or so ago, but living up to my resolutions - I will raise my standards and lower my expectations - maybe it's just an organic process of trusting my instincts more.
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  1. The same thing happened to me with the last girl I was dating.
    We went on a number of dates before actually having sex.
    And then when we had sex, it was quite disappointing because we had spent far too much time together and didn't take advantage of the sexual tension. Granted we are both 23 but still.

    If you ever need a younger lover..........

  2. If sex is important to you I think you owe it to yourself to find out your compatibility with men. If I guy doesn't make a move after a number of dates I can't help but think sex isn't a big deal to him or he's not very confidant, possibly because he is rubbish at it. If it's the latter you might be able to turn him around but in my experience mens attitude to sex doesn't change much, unlike women who are much more open minded and experimental.

    Seems to me there is little to gain by holding back. Once you can determine if he is serious about you go for it and have fun.

    And if you need a late 30s experienced guy to practice on ... ;)